I'm Still Here! Don't Give up on Me!

I need to get back to the task at hand!  The fire fizzled, what are you gonna do? I promised in the beginning that I would blog good or not right.  So here it is, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  My current weight is 256.  This is 12 pounds higher than my peak weigh loss with optifast.  I feel like I have been running to stand still, and all that hard work is creeping back slowly but surely.  

I don't know if any of you have checked out the blog that me and my friends have started.  Its on my sidebar, its called the weight loss accountability buddies.  If you don't see me writing on my own blog, check that one, my friends are pretty relentless when it comes to tracking your goals. I've made some good friends in Colorado!  

Sometimes I find it hard to write when there is nothing good to talk about when it comes to my weight.  I am in a frustrating period right now.  It seems everyone is getting pregnant around me and although some days it motivates me, other days it makes me sad and discouraged.  I think the balance between those days is leaving me at a stand still.  

One issue that I have been having lately is that my schedule is all out of whack.  Optifast through me off eating wise and I've got out of the habit of making regular meals and keeping a supply of good foods at my house.  This week me and Dustin are sitting down and budgeting and planning.  I am too structured of a person to go willy nilly with my food and exercise.  I am also going to be starting to exercise in the wee hours of the morning again.  Man, I'm tired even writing that, but it is something that needs to happen.  

Will this ever get easier?  

Do you hear that?

Do you hear that........it sounds like a spark..........no, a fire.......that's been lit under my butt?  I just had a moment that I am going to ride out.  I cannot say the event that started this fire, but I am glad that it happened.  Shame on me for losing my focus, and forgetting to keep my eye on the prize. I am looking forward to the gym tomorrow, so much that I am a little excited.  I can't be to hard on myself, I have accomplished the goals that I have made for myself the last two weeks.  I laid off the carbonation and exercised regularly, but I can't help but think that I am moving backwards.  I have gotten more active in my life.  I play tennis every Wednesday and I volunteered to assistant coach a girls softball team with a friend.  Why is it that I can't find balance between exercise and food?  I can do one or the other, but never both at the same time.  

Wish me luck this week, and pray that the fire stays blazing.