I'm Still Here! Don't Give up on Me!

I need to get back to the task at hand!  The fire fizzled, what are you gonna do? I promised in the beginning that I would blog good or not right.  So here it is, the good, the bad, and the ugly.  My current weight is 256.  This is 12 pounds higher than my peak weigh loss with optifast.  I feel like I have been running to stand still, and all that hard work is creeping back slowly but surely.  

I don't know if any of you have checked out the blog that me and my friends have started.  Its on my sidebar, its called the weight loss accountability buddies.  If you don't see me writing on my own blog, check that one, my friends are pretty relentless when it comes to tracking your goals. I've made some good friends in Colorado!  

Sometimes I find it hard to write when there is nothing good to talk about when it comes to my weight.  I am in a frustrating period right now.  It seems everyone is getting pregnant around me and although some days it motivates me, other days it makes me sad and discouraged.  I think the balance between those days is leaving me at a stand still.  

One issue that I have been having lately is that my schedule is all out of whack.  Optifast through me off eating wise and I've got out of the habit of making regular meals and keeping a supply of good foods at my house.  This week me and Dustin are sitting down and budgeting and planning.  I am too structured of a person to go willy nilly with my food and exercise.  I am also going to be starting to exercise in the wee hours of the morning again.  Man, I'm tired even writing that, but it is something that needs to happen.  

Will this ever get easier?  

Do you hear that?

Do you hear that........it sounds like a spark..........no, a fire.......that's been lit under my butt?  I just had a moment that I am going to ride out.  I cannot say the event that started this fire, but I am glad that it happened.  Shame on me for losing my focus, and forgetting to keep my eye on the prize. I am looking forward to the gym tomorrow, so much that I am a little excited.  I can't be to hard on myself, I have accomplished the goals that I have made for myself the last two weeks.  I laid off the carbonation and exercised regularly, but I can't help but think that I am moving backwards.  I have gotten more active in my life.  I play tennis every Wednesday and I volunteered to assistant coach a girls softball team with a friend.  Why is it that I can't find balance between exercise and food?  I can do one or the other, but never both at the same time.  

Wish me luck this week, and pray that the fire stays blazing.  

A Eulogy for Carbonation.

Goodbye dear friend you will be missed, all the lovely tin cans that I have kissed.  You quench my thirst on hot day, but the next days exercise I will surely pay.   You woke me up when I was tired, sometimes at night you made me wired. This is my very fond farewell, I'll break the chains of addiction hell.  

I know, I know, how many times have I tried to quit caffeine and carbonation?  More than I can count with all fingers and toes, but alas, I must continue trying.  I have been food journaling for the last couple of weeks and I figure it does no good to go to Subway and get a 32 oz. Dr. Pepper.  Do you know how long I have to run to work off those fabulous 400 calories that are in that soda?  I don't even want to say it, it makes me tired!

Great news this week, I have been consistently going to the gym and I even went and played Tennis on Tuesday night.  I truly suck at tennis, but I had a lot of fun sucking, and my arm is sore which means I did some good for myself, physically at least.   Me and a couple of my friends are thinking of making it a weekly effort and I am excited to get outdoors and keep myself busy.  

I'm sure many of you are wondering about optifast.  I have taken a hiatus and have not been attending my classes.  I am burned out on optifast, it helped me shed 30 pounds and that is nothing to scoff at.  It has helped me gain some good eating habits and going to the classes have helped immensely.  I still do the shakes throughout the day, but let's be honest a liquid diet is not very feasible .  Dustin made a comment the other day to the extent of "do you think they might be angry because your bringing down there average weight loss?"  this was meant to be funny and we both had a good belly laugh.  I've had a rough couple of months and I have been losing small amounts of weight, but I can lose small amounts of weight on my own.  Anyway, the point is that I still have weight goals and I am still working towards them.  I am still planning on sharing the experience, good or bad, every week.  Thank you for the support to anyone who reads this blog, you have no idea how much support you lend to me.  Everyday is a struggle when you have had a never ending goal that seems to be the only goal you have a hard time conquering.  It is good to know that there are people helping you along the journey! 

Watters Family Reunion 2009 & Quick Update!

What a wonderful couple of weeks I have had!  This last weekend was the Watters Family Reunion 2009, and good times were had by all.  We kicked the weekend off by having an adult dinner at Los Hermanos,  I'm going to go ahead and speak for everyone when I say it was the worst food, and the worst service I've had in a long time.  It will make a great memory for years to come, I'm sure, and for that it was worth it.  It was especially great to see all the Watters extended family that we only get to see every couple of years, if we're lucky!  Day two started for me with meeting all the golfers at Aunt Cathy and Uncle Ron's for brunch which was delicious.  It started to rain a bit but of course in true Utah fashion the weather changed in 5 minutes and continued like that throughout the day.  It didn't take much for Ryan and Tyler to talk me into all you can eat sushi at the Sushi House for a top off from brunch.  I was so stuffed that when we went to the park at 6 for Dinner and games I wasn't very hungry, but that didn't stop me from having some of gramma's baked beans (yum)!   What a fun reunion!  I am so thankful that I have such a wonderful and close extended family!

Here's a little update for my dear Shauna on weeks 12 and 13 of Optifast.  I know you are all on the edge of your seats.  I've had so much fun with Fourth of July and the Family Reunion I have been off the wagon for a couple of weeks!  But never fear, I did work out diligently last week and I have nothing planned for a couple of weeks so good things should come to pass in the upcoming posts! I am to the transition phase of the program and that means I get to start introducing food back into my diet.  This shouldn't be to challenging considering that I have been "slowly" introducing food into my program since about week 3.  Eh?  What are you gonna do but move forward, right?

Love you Shauna! 

Week 11

Finally some good news to report.......I lost 4 pounds this week! I had a really great talk with the Behavioral Therapist, Cheryl, this week. We are going to be meeting once a week for the rest of the program to keep me on track.

Realization of the week: You have to change your lifestyle to fit the program, not fit the program into your lifestyle. I promised Cheryl I would write this down somewhere to keep reminding myself that it is about making a life change and not going back to old habits.

Action taken this past week: Got rid of my cable:) So far, this has been a great action. I find that I am discovering old hobbies that I once really enjoyed. My house is starting to get clean on a regular basis, and I have finally been listening to full albums of music I have bought off itunes. I've started journaling and it has been very therapeutic. It has really helped me re-evaluate my life and how I spend my time.

Things that made me smile this past week: I can now fit into almost every shirt in my closet (accept for my two goal shirts). Everyone at work thought I got new clothes, but really they are some shirts that I have had for at least 3 years, and have not been able to fit into.
I had my Physical assessment with the exercise specialist and she said that I have a great resting heart rate and I am in the 100 percentile for strength for my age. She said that each test that she gave me I continually impressed her with what great shape I was in for my weight. I took a copy home so that I could prove to Dustin that I was strong for a girl. He has a way of comparing me to men and what girl can live up to that when it comes to muscles?

Week 10

Blah, blah, blah......lost 1 pound.......blah,blah,blah.........recommitting.......blah,blah,blah.
I just want all of you to know that the blah, blah, blah's are because they are just words. Words are nothing with no action and I can talk as much as I want but until there is action they mean nothing. I don't want to try to write another inspiring blog entry that leads to me losing 1 pound! So for now wait and see.....I will show you how dedicated I am with my actions and then try to inspire with my words because we all know the saying "Actions speak louder than words". My actions will be screaming!

Week 8 & 9

I am going to go ahead and pronounce these last couple of weeks a success because of a 2 lb weight loss, and here's why:

1. It was my 30th birthday on May 30th and after a bout of depression over turning the big 3-0 I gorged myself on Sushi and birthday cake. I got many positive messages about thirty being the new 20 and that your 30's will be the best decade thus far, but I'm not buying it. Especially when the only people I know who are in there 30's are Dustin, and People who live in Utah. All my Grand Junctionite buddies are still enjoying their youthful 20's. My movie buddy is 19! Let's just say that if she invites even one of her friends to go to the movie's with us I feel like a chaperon!

2. Had a fabulous girls weekend in Arizona. What Supportive Sisters-in-law I have! Millissa went walking with me everyday, and Jen made sure to not have any junk in the house. I even made an absolutely under no circumstances could we go to an Italian restaurant law, and everyone stuck to it. (Pasta is my downfall!)

3. Homemade chocolate tort. nuff said.

After a thoroughly inspiring behavioral class last night, I am once again recommitting myself to the shakes and nutrition bars. I want so badly to have another 5 pound loss and I know it will happen if I stick to the plan.

10 more weeks to go!